Driving the Daisies

Ok so tonight I was a chauffeur for Mike, Jason, and Matt. I drove their drunk asses out to Rage in Santa Monica from Westwood. The plan was to all go to the club, but I couldn't find parking and to be honest, I didn't really feel like staying out late. I have a bad cough at the moment and I promised my Mama I would come home tonight.

However, my illness is not the point of this blog. The conversations held by the drunk ones is. I hate the fact that I did not have access to my blog or even a pen to jot down the insanity. But here is what I can remember:

On the way to the club:

Mike: (Pointing out a couple arguing) Oh no! Look their fighting! Oh no don't fight. I'm sorry. (Mike starts to yell out the window) NO DON'T! (I roll up the window) I'm so sorry. I'll be ok, I promise. (Mike starts singing) You are beautiful in every single way. Words can't bring you down...

Jason or Matt: Look that guy stormed off.

Looking for parking at the club:

Jason: I don't know. I have problems. And they all started when I came to California. That's when I turned gay.

Matt: You turned gay?!

Jason: In Missouri I was straight. I almost had a girlfriend.

Mike: I had lots of girlfriends. I hate girls. Oh, look their on a date. (Yelling out the window) It won't work out!

Matt: (To Jason)You're from Missouri and you didn't know that there's a Kansas City in Missouri and in Kansas? (To Mike)You had girlfriends. I had girlfriend.

Mike: (No longer present to the current conversation, yelling out the window again) I like Latinos!

Jason: Yeah I was starting something with this girl but then I had to go. I knew about Kansas City. I told you that.

Matt: No you didn't. I just know that.

Some other inane things said here that I can remember (I'm sorry. I promise to start carrying a pen.) Then:

Jason: I have a really smart dog.

Matt: My dog is smarter.

Jason: No it isn't.

Matt: My dog is statistically smarter. I'm telling you I know this.