Foot tourette's

Hello, my name is Erl (Yeah, ass, like the TV show) and I suffer from Tourette's Syndrome of the foot. Many of you may know Tourette Syndrome, more commonly referred to as simply "Tourette's", as the neurological disorder that causes seemingly normal people to suddenly burst out shouting random expletives. Words and phrases such as, "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Backwoods baby raper!" "Chihuahua fluffing, foreskin chewer!" "UGLY!" (Kaytee, "ugly" is still the worst mean/bad word that you can call someone), may explode forth from a person who has Tourette's at any time, especially when that person is stressed or uncomfortable. Just imagine the poor guy in his new girlfriend's parent's house unable to control a slew of words ("Whore" "Cunt" "Slut" "Twat" "Cumdumpster" "Gimp"...) that could possibly be held as offensive.

This particular expression of the disorder is, however, a bit of an extreme. According to Wikipedia (and from my own interaction with a person who has Tourette's), the symptoms aren't always as exciting as we'd like them to be. Most of the time it gets expressed as some motor tic and at least one phonic tic, i.e. a twitching eye and a clicking of the tongue. Blah, boring. Anyways, to the point, I have FOOT TOURETTE'S and I've never considered it a true disorder because it hasn't had a significant and detrimental effect on my life...until now.

Allow me to explain. When I drive, I sometimes can't control my right foot. I'm not lying, being funny, or trying to get out of a moving violation. (Of course I am. But still stay with me on this one.) I can't seem to get my foot off of the accelerator and onto the break. Sometimes, the right foot (I refer to it as a separate entity because it behaves as such) may even rapidly point while on the accelerator causing the motorist (me) to seem as though she is completely disregarding the red light. It is a motor tic. I'm pretty sure the phonic tic it the sound my big toe makes when I crack it. Anyways, I think it may be triggered by the blinking red hand that warns slow as molasses pedestrians to get the fuck out of the way, you know the one right next to the traffic signal. Come on, it's a neurological disorder and these often times have strong links to environmental stimuli. Remember all those people in Japan who starting seizing after watching that one Pokemon episode with the flashing lights and shit. (And then the news started a whole new wave of seizures throughout the country when they re-showed the clip of the flashing lights. hehe dorks.) Please officer don't give me the ticket, it's my birthday soon.

Yeah so I got a ticket on Hollywood Blvd. four days before my birthday. I'm only writing about it now because I just found the dumb thing again in my huge bag of many, many things. Oh Foot Tourette's, how you hinder me. I hope the pills I get to take are fun.