Craigslist Personals

Ok so before I begin the actual blog I first want to share a small scene from dinner last night:

Jason: So I was thinking of getting a pendant for myself.

Erl: A necklace?

Jason: Yeah, you know one with a saint on it.

Erl: Oh, ok. Like one of St. Christopher the patron saint of travelers.

Jason: Yeah he's a popular one. I was thinking of getting one of St. Jude. He's the patron of lost causes. Or of St. Patrick...

Erl: He's the patron of snakes.

Jason: Um no of excluded peoples. Outcasts.

Elaine: He's the patron saint of losers. Hahaha. Yeah, you should get that one: the patron saint of LOSERS.

Ok now down to business. So tonight instead of spending three hours studying/playing text twist (yea! the GRE is over and done with and Rajima, you were right, playing text twist does not count as studying for verbal) I looked for places to live in San Fransisco. Don't worry all of you who care about me staying in So Cal, I wasn't looking for me. I was searching for some shelter for my homeless friend Luke who is currently sleeping in his car. So if anyone reading this can offer him a nice, affordable apartment in the SF area please let me know. He is employed by a very, very good employer, he's just too busy working to actually find a place to live.

The only place I could think to look for apartments was on craigslist. So after sending Luke the links to a few places he ought to consider, I decided to look around a bit more on the site and see what all the hubbub was about. Of course I went directly to the personals pages because people are always at their most vulnerable and thus their most ridiculous when they are actively searching for romance. This was the first time I have ever visited a personals website. I know that they are popular, I see ads for them everywhere. I guess I just never realized how honest and direct all these people can be. Nearly every posting was for all intensive purposes a request for sex and ever other posting was for sex with a twist, like bondage and domination or threesomes. For the most part it was people wanting to act out bad porn.

The craigslist personal that interested me most however was not on any of the romantic hookups pages but actually in the "platonic section." The following is the actual post and made me laugh so hard that I snorted and nearly woke my sister:

I am looking for that spiritual human being to Breathe Together. This is a technique I want to share that is divided in three parts, where we feel our heart beats, we feel our breathings, and we Breathe Together. This is a very deep, nurturing, and caring technique to provide true, sincere, and unconditional love to each other. It is also very powerful because it rescues and heals through the breathing. There is no sex or money involved in this. But an honest desire to heal and improve, while providing real, palpable caring and love to the other person.

Now you may not find this funny at first but I want you to think of the scenario. New age-y decor: dream catchers, feathers, prisms, and white gauzy cloth all hanging from the ceiling by fishing wire (because you know the hippies want to make it seem like all their shit is just floating in the air). New age-y music: Enya's Sail Away. New age-y smells: burning sage, which looks like weed but doesn't have the same effect so it's useless and stinky. And to top it all off two dumb ass tree-humping, crystal-wearing breathing healers sitting in the middle of the room hyperventilating as they try to align their shakras (chakras? I don't know with this hippie spelling).

Truthfully, I'm not really against alternative medicine, hell I'd like some acupuncture right now if it could make my knee stop hurting when it gets cold out. And I don't have anything against hippies, who else can you thank for making the 60's cool. But unless you're an aging hippie battling some terminal disease using western medicine AND overrated Lamaze techniques, you should not be using your respiratory system to do anything else but exhale carbon dioxide and inhale oxygen (+ smog + pollen + dust + pet dander + occasional really small insect + random carcinogens +... did this guy really think breathing deeply in LA is going to heal him).

Moral of the Blog: If you feel like laughing really hard, always laugh at the hippies. They'll be to busy to hit you, suffering from smoke inhalation caused by the burning oregano in the corner.