So you think I can dance?

In the past I have been complimented on my smashing dance stylings. Now I've always taken these compliments to mean that I was good at dancing. Little did I know that all you out there were only commending me on my ability to entertain you. I now know for a fact that I look like a total idiot when I "dance," if you can even call it that.

I discovered that all my friends are kind yet skilled liars just tonight. You see, a couple of weeks ago I received Mari Windsor's Pilates Circle Series. I ordered it off the internet after seeing the infomercial for about 2 weeks straight. It's not like I instantly succumbed to the powerfully seductive forces of that sinister pseudo-television program known as the infomercial. Besides there are plenty of other products that I haven't purchased off other infomercials, for instance the Magic Bullet (my sister bought it though). But I'm getting away from myself, in addition to her patented Windsor Resistance Circle, the 20 minute Circle Workout, and the Windsor Food Diary, Mari Windsor also includes the Accelerated Fat Burning Routine to help you "Sclupt Your Body Slim" just that much faster. And tonight was the night I felt like accelerating my situation.

I popped in the DVD, laid out the workout mat, and sat my ass down on the floor with resistance circle in hand. But when the video started all I saw was a whole bunch of skinny people standing up, not looking like they were about to do regular laying down pilates. And I was right. It was a cardio workout. When it started it was all good, I thought, "I've done Billy Blanks tapes and I used to run. This should be fine." Wrong. I can kick, punch, and run around but I CANNOT do choreographed dance. There was lots of this "cha cha cha-ing," "step touch-clapping," "pace and touch and turning," and "jumping over sticks." And these are not your run of the mill sticks, these were imaginary sticks that hovered about a foot and a half about the floor. So I was cha cha cha-ing, pacing, clapping (while changing directions), and jumping over invisible, low hurdles. This was not sexy, not cute, it wasn't even average. It looked like I just got called to "Come on down" on the Price is Right but I was one of those idiots that can't figure out how to get down to the stage. Just imagine jumping. Lots of very, uncoordinated jumping. And clapping, oodles of off beat clapping. With my arms in the air. And so the answer to the above question: No sir, I cannot dance.

Moral of the blog: Exercise videos are best done in the privacy of my own home.