Bad things happen in the bathtub

Hi there, remember me? My name is Erl. Without an "a," not like that TV show everyone keeps telling me about. Anyways, it's been a long time since I last blogged and I wanted to make sure I reintroduced myself. So a Miss Kaytee T. (her blog can be found to the right of this post) told me about her negative bathtubbing experiences. Now I am not particularly a fan of the "washing yourself in water that is swimming with your own dirt and that is so warm it makes you sweat, thereby defeating the purpose of the bath" technique but hey, some people really enjoy it. And really who am I to say that something isn't good; I liked Steve Irwin's The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course. Anyways back to the story. So Kaytee calls me and tells me about the latest "bad thing in the bathtub" experience.

Apparently the girl just bought some new bubble bath and just had to take it for a ride. So she set up camp in her bathroom. She really set the mood for herself folks. The new bubble bath proved to be a wild success, creating a large amount of bubbles only thought to exist in the movies. Sweet scented candles were lit 'round the ridge of the bathtub. To top it off, soft sex music emanated from the ipod earphones plugging into the head of the cute, naked white girl. Being the sexual creature she is, naked girl relished the moment (it's about to get romance novel on you right about...now) and thought "What an appropriate time to have sex with myself" as she lightly brushed off some bubbles from the top of her exposed breast*. The girl slowly glanced to her left and screamed. Her roommate was sitting on the toilet watching her as she peed.

Now I asked Kaytee, "How in the hell did your roommate get in there?" Kaytee replied, "Well there's only one bathroom in the apartment. I had to leave the door unlocked. But still that's not the end of the story."

So the screaming naked girl told her roommate to get out. Her roommate couldn't leave without telling the naked girl how cute she was in the bathtub. Naked, no longer screaming, girl thanked her but still insisted that her roommate leave. With her roommate gone and the mood lost the naked girl decided it was time to end the bath. She stood up in full naked glory and once again began to brush off the white fluffy bubbles from her smooth alabaster skin. This simple task aroused the naked girl and the thought crept in again: "This would be a great time to have sex with myself." The naked girl then raised her eyes to the doorway and started to scream, again. This time her other roommate was standing there watching her. Screaming, naked girl then shouted, "Why are you staring at me." "She [the other roommate] just told me to come in here," the roommate responded. "Dammit," said the naked girl. "Go, just get out," she added as she threw a towel around her wet, soapy body.

Now that the mood was permanently terminated she began to dry herself off. Naked girl looked around herself with anxious glances expecting the worst again. What was it? What was wrong, again? Flames. Naked, anxious girl's towel had caught aflame. She dunked the fiery towel into the water, finally dried off and dressed. Later naked girl called me to tell me the story. Some of the last words she said to me before we ended the call were, "Bad things happen in the bathtub. Remember that time I took a bath before I took off any of my clothes?" Yes, Kaytee. I do.

Moral of the Blog: Lock the door if there's the possibility you may want to have sex with yourself.


* This detail is partly fabricated. The writer took her artistic license when changing the word from "arm" to the now "breast." This was done to enhance the flow and feeling of the story.